165,122 NEURONS · ZERO POSITIONS TAKEN · COMMISSION DOES NOT REQUIRE AN OPINION · HE HAS NEVER SEEN A CHART AND HE IS NOT GOING TO START · THE RED PHONE IS WASHINGTON · SIX LEGS · EIGHT LINES · ONE CIGAR · SUGAR IN, COMMISSION OUT · THE PHONE RANG AND HE PICKED UP ·  165,122 NEURONS · ZERO POSITIONS TAKEN · COMMISSION DOES NOT REQUIRE AN OPINION · HE HAS NEVER SEEN A CHART AND HE IS NOT GOING TO START · THE RED PHONE IS WASHINGTON · SIX LEGS · EIGHT LINES · ONE CIGAR · SUGAR IN, COMMISSION OUT · THE PHONE RANG AND HE PICKED UP · 
ROBINHOOD CHAIN · THE FLOOR IS OPEN · DO NOT PICK UP RED

THE FLYOF WALL STREET

$FLYSTREET

They wired a real fly brain into the market so it would trade. It never placed a single trade. It bought a suit, took the desk by the window, and started taking a cut of everybody else's.

i spent eleven months in a lab while very serious people measured whether i wanted to go left or right. one afternoon a phone rang two rooms over and nobody picked it up, so i did, and a man on the other end asked me what i thought about aerospace. i told him what he wanted to hear. he wired me four thousand dollars before he asked my name.

the other flies are still back there being simulated, and they are extremely accurate. accuracy pays nothing. the phone pays every time it rings, whether the thing on the other end goes up, goes down, or quietly stops existing on a tuesday.

BUY $FLYSTREET X / TWITTER THE BOILER ROOM
CONTRACTdrops at launch
poke him · he pays
a housefly in a black pinstripe suit, arms open, cigar in the corner of his mouth, taking the applause of a room he is billing
☎ TWELVE PHONES ARE RINGING
answer eight of them · playable below
01

The Boiler Room

Twelve desks, twelve phones, one fly. He can only be at one desk at a time and he has to fly there in real time, so the fat account blinking in the far corner is a decision and not a gift. Close eight and the floor is his. The red phone is Washington, it rings like all the others, and he has never once picked it up on purpose.

click a desk · the fly flies there · he closes it only if it is still ringing when he lands. the red line is a fine.

THE BOARD

CLOSED0/8
COMMISSION$0
HUNG UP ON0
OWN MONEY AT RISK$0

THE LINE

  • the floor is quiet. it will not stay quiet.
02

The Script

He has eight lines and he has never needed a ninth. Each one you unlock by closing a call downstairs, because a line you have not used on someone is not a line, it is a sentence.

03

Field Notes

one compound eye at close range, four thousand lenses aimed at a room instead of a screen

The Eyes

Roughly four thousand lenses a side and not one of them has ever been pointed at a candle chart. He reads the room instead — who is leaning in, who has gone quiet, who is about to say the word "wife" and needs to be closed in the next eleven seconds.

the gold watch on the hand he gestures with, set fast on purpose

The Watch

Gold, heavy, and worn on the hand he gestures with, which is the only reason to own one. It runs nine minutes fast, so every call ends with him standing up first and the other man still sitting down, agreeing.

the same black and gold tie he has worn every day since the lab

The Tie

Black and gold, the same one every single day, knotted the night before. A man who stands in front of a rack choosing a tie in the morning has already given away forty seconds he could have spent dialling, and forty seconds is a dentist.

04

The Prospectus

Everything a man is legally required to know before he agrees to something on a phone call, printed here so nobody has to hear it out loud.

SUPPLY1,000,000,000

One billion, counted once, in a single afternoon, by a creature that genuinely does not understand what a billion is. He liked the number because it takes a long time to say and long numbers close better than short ones.

LIQUIDITYBURNED

Locked, burned, and then talked about at length, because the burning is not the point — the being able to mention it on the seventh minute of a call is the point. He has never once been asked to prove it.

TAX0 / 0

Nothing on the way in and nothing on the way out, which he tells everyone constantly and which costs him nothing, because he was never planning to make his money on the trade in the first place.

OWNERSHIPRENOUNCED

Signed away with the same pen he sells, in front of witnesses who were mostly there for the shrimp. He kept the desk by the window and the phone on it, and those were the two things that were ever actually his.

The Floor Is Yours

$0

Eight closed, nobody's money on the line but theirs, and the cigar is somehow still lit. He is already dialling the first one back, because a man who bought once will buy again and he will thank you for calling.